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Things have gotten complicated again. I feel like I'm not me and I'm not sure how to bring me back. I'm expecting someone to come over, and usually I look forward to his company, but I'm so unhappy right now I just want to smoke a bunch of weed and sit alone in the dark. I'm so lost.
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Untitled
It is in the summer that I think of you.
When the green fields turn gold
the sun is high in the sky
and it is you on my mind.
It used to make me so happy
feeling the sun on my skin,
or the sweet sick hot of July.
But now, in the summer, I think of you.
I never stopped looking for you;
I see you.
You are too tall.
You are too short.
You are never you.
Six years have passed,
I still look for you.
How I long to find you.
I always think of you in the summer.
Was it something I said?
I drove across the state because not one but two friends wanted to see me.
Neither of them have replied to my texts or calls.
I have started to wonder if it's something about me that's just...
perfectly forgettable.
I've always wanted to disappear into the wallpaper.
Be careful what you wish for.
وما أكثر الإخوان حين تعدهم
ولكنهم في النائبات قليل
When you count your friends at any tim
The Art Show
My friend has asked me to enter an art show with her in January. It's an interesting sort of thing, I could hang all my things up, and nobody would know it was mine. I went with her to her last art show, and it was really interesting. I'm bubbling over with ideas, although I'm not sure how good most of them are. I don't want anybody to know who I am, and I know that for sure. I am not good at large groups of people, my social anxiety is completely overwhelming, I only share my art with my close friends, and of course everyone on dA, but none of them really know me. It's delightfully anonymous.
I have been thinking about how to go about this.
The Dark Night
My niece cut her hair to match her best friend. That wouldn't regularly be a newsworthy event, but her grandmother flipped her absolute shit over it. I think she looks fabulous, but now because I'm a "bad influence," I am not allowed to see either of my nieces or go home any more. I can't even begin to describe the sense of displacement I've felt over the last few days, wanting to go home but not being able to. The loneliness is killing me.
Right before that, I had bought a motorcycle. I was really excited about it, but I'm selling it again. I've stopped skating. I don't want to eat. I've put serious thought into suicide. I feel like I've fi
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